The Leafs are halfway through their season. I have compiled everything I learned from talk radio so far. For brevity’s sake I stopped at 75, precisely the number of goals Nazem Kadri is expected to score next season.
1. Nazem Kadri is too small to be a front-line NHLer.
2. Nazem Kadri has three goals in his first four games. He’s ready.
3. Nazem Kadri hasn’t scored in nine games. Told you he’s too small.
4. We should all name our baby boys Nazem Kadri.
5. The Leafs have to trade for Roberto Luongo.
6. Never mind Luongo. How about Jonathan Bernier?
7. The Leafs have the best goaltending tandem in the NHL
8. I can’t believe those dopes were thinking of trading for Roberto Luongo.
9. Randy Carlyle didn’t have to remodel the Leafs dressing room. Remodel the team.
10. Randy Carlyle is a genius.
11. The Leafs should buy out Clarke MacArthur.
12. He’s sneaky that Clarke MacArthur.
13. James Reimer is an unproven commodity.
14. When he isn’t injured, James Reimer is a front-line goalie.
15. I’m religious because of James Reimer.
16. The Leafs won’t make the playoffs.
17. The Leafs will be a playoff dark horse.
18. I think this is our year.
19. Brian Burke has to go.
20. We’ll miss Brian Burke.
21. Who is Dave Nonis again?
22. I like Dave Nonis.
23. The Leafs should think about trading Phil Kessel.
24. The Leafs should trade Phil Kessel
25. Damn it, didn’t I tell you the Leafs should trade Phil Kessel.
26. Did you see Phil Kessel last night?
27. Phil Kessel is only 24.
28. The Leafs should trade Phil Kessel.
29. The Leafs should extend Joffrey Lupul.
30. The Leafs shouldn’t have extended Joffrey Lupul.
31. It’s a shame the club has to play without Joffrey Lupul.
32. Jake Gardiner is a 25-minute a night NHL defenceman.
33. Jake Gardiner is too good for the Marlies.
34. Jake Gardiner is an enigma.
35. The Leafs should buy out Mike Komisarek.
36. The Leafs should trade Mike Komisarek
37. I think we can get a second-rounder for Mike Komisarek.
38. Never mind.
39. John-Michael Liles was the team’s best defenceman for much of last year.
40. I wouldn’t know John-Michael Liles if I ran over him with my car.
41. The Leafs can’t win in Buffalo.
42. The Leafs can’t lose in Buffalo.
43. Colton Orr can’t play.
44. Colton Orr can play.
45.Colton Orr is a great story.
46. Colton Orr has recommitted himself to the game.
47. Colton Orr was on for two goals against in the Devils game.
48. Colton Orr can’t play.
49. The Leafs swindled Anaheim when they got Joffrey Lupul and Jake Gardiner for Francois Beauchemin.
50. Why couldn’t Francois Beauchemin have played as well here as he is in Anaheim?
51. Mike Kostka is a career minor leaguer.
52. Mike Kostka will never make the Leafs.
53. Mike Kostka is a seventh defenceman.
54. Check that, Mark Fraser is a seventh defenceman.
55. If Mark Fraser or Mike Kostka are in your top two defence pairings you are in big trouble.
56. Boy, is that Dallas Eakins ever smart.
57. Leo Komarov will score a few goals goals and be a big-time pest.
58. Leo Komarov is hitting everybody.
59. Is Leo Komarov ever going to score?
60. Matt Frattin hasn’t proven anything in the NHL.
61. Matt Frattin is one of those players who plays better in the NHL.
62. Never mind Ottawa’s injuries. We’re playing without Matt Frattin.
63. Dion Phaneuf can’t hit the net.
64. Dion Phaneuf CAN hit Joffrey Lupul.
65. Dion Phaneuf should take something off his shot.
66. What happened to the velocity on Dion Phaneuf’s shot?
67. Morgan Rielly might make the Leafs.
68. Morgan Rielly should make the Leafs.
69. The Leafs are doing the right thing by not rushing their prospects.
70. Maybe we can use Morgan Rielly after we trade Gardiner.
71. James van Riemsdyk is injury prone.
72. Did you see JVR go around Luke Schenn?
73. Phil Kessel is dragging JVR down.
74. Anyone seen Mike Komisarek or John-Michael Liles?
75. What a waste having all that money sitting up in the press box.